July 13, 2023

When I get to heaven, and I'm standing before God as He gives me a full rundown of my life, I pray that Yeshua will be there, stepping in and claiming every one of my sins. I pray I will have served Him well, being obedient to His Word and sharing His Word with others.

I pray that Yeshua will be able to look to His Father and say, "This man has repented of his ways, and he has a servant's heart. He slipped and fell thousands of times in his life but remained repentant. I searched his heart and found it to be true. He brought Your Word, Father, to those who needed to hear it. He did well, and I have cleansed his soul with my blood I shed for him. I have prepared a place for him in Your Kingdom, Father."

I pray those words (or similar ones) are spoken on my behalf to Yahweh by my Savior. I've made hundreds, probably thousands, of poor, unworthy-of-His #Grace decisions in my life. I'll likely make many, many more. But I pray that I'll continue fighting these demons we all know and show Yeshua my life is His. I need Jesus to know I #trust in His #Truth, THE Truth...

The hard part, for now, is stepping out of this boat. As miserable and broken as I am, I know I can still serve Him. I just need to move. I need to walk onto these stormy waves and meet Yeshua on the water, ready to continue #serving. But, first, I need to let Felicia go... I need to let go of her hand so I can grab Jesus' instead. This has been the most difficult part. I have so many things I still need Felicia in my life for. I have so many conversations I still want to have with her. But I'll have to wait. For now, I need to let go of her hand and step off this boat.

I just don't want to. My shattered heart doesn't want to let her go. My crushed soul doesn't want to lose the millions of memories of her. I long for her love. I yearn for her affection. She loved me like no other. And it was beautiful...

I miss you, my beautiful angel. I miss your arms around my neck. I miss your sweet smile, your blue eyes... I miss your love... Always. Forever. #Fiercely