July 12, 2023

This is another one of those verses Felicia and I lived by. She loved giving when she could. She loved helping others when she could. And I loved being a part of that...

Now, I need to continue her legacy. I need to keep helping and giving. I need to be Jesus' hands and feet. I need to help others see who He really is, to know what the #Truth really is...

But, first, I need to step out of this boat. I know this is a tired analogy, but this is what I feel like I'm going through. I feel like I'm standing on a rowboat in the middle of a storm-driven, wavy lake. I feel Yeshua calling for me, telling me to not be afraid and step out onto the water.

I want to. I want to continue my million-mile journey up this mountain. I want to continue helping the weak, giving my time and my support to those who can't catch a break.

But I'm stuck. Each time I think about moving forward, I see my wife, and I feel like if I did move, I'd start losing my memories of her. I know I won't. She even told me I'm moving. But, lately, I feel like I've been unable to move. And it's because I don't want to... I don't want to lose my memories of her. I feel like if I start moving forward, my memories of her will start getting further and further behind. This is why I haven't stepped off the boat yet. Fear. Yeshua keeps telling me not to be afraid. He keeps beckoning for me to join Him on the water. Yet, I remain afraid. I remain frozen at the edge of this boat...

I'm certain He knows I want to. I'm certain He understands my plight and is patiently waiting for me to move. I just need more time. My heart still remains shattered because I keep pulling it out of Jesus' hands. I need to surrender it fully to Him so that true healing can begin...

Pray for me, dear reader. Pray for Felicia's family. We still have a ways to go. I still need time...

I love you, my princess. Always. Forever. #Fiercely