February 25, 2023

My eulogy for my beautiful wife, Felicia. I pray I honored your life in my words and I pray, Father, I honored Your Love.

Thank you all for being here. Most of you are relatives, but we’re all family and I love and appreciate every one of you.

Today, we celebrate the beautiful life of Felicia. And, it’s fitting that we celebrate it today because it is her birthday.

Felicia was born this day 39 years ago. Her sister, Lynn, was so worried something bad may happen, she rode her bike up and down the street singing “Ain’t nothing gonna break my stride, I’m running and I won’t touch ground…” But, soon thereafter, Lynn and Felicia’s brother Lee took her under their wings and loved on her as only a sibling could. Felicia would tell me stories of her childhood that often included the fun and joy of her brother and sister. She would tell me of the times she would lay on her mom’s back to do her homework as her mom drifted off to sleep after a grueling third shift.

Felicia had a tough childhood, but not because of her mom, brother, sister, or aunts, uncles, cousins and grandparents. It was just a tough time for her mom and siblings for a while. But, even though there were struggles, that little, 4-person unit remained strong and stayed strong for each other. Eventually, that unit would grow. Lee met the love of his life Carrie. Lynn went to college, and Felicia and Vickie were glued to each other as the family turned over new leaves in their lives.

Then, on a cool spring evening, and as a result of an invitation to Lynn, God delivered my soon-to-be wife to me. Neither of us knew that night was going to be the place and time. But, St. Patrick’s Day, 2001, as I was filming a concert for a band, the world grew dim and silent around me. The crowds parted before me. And there, in a column of Holy Light, my angel stood in all her beauty. It was there that I met Lynn’s sister Felicia. And, it was that moment when I heard God whisper “It is not good for you to be alone. I have made you a helper as your counterpart.”

Felicia shouldn’t have been there but the blind date she went on that night ended earlier than expected and she was home before Lynn left. And, so, since Felicia was already dressed for a night out, Lynn invited her. I am forever grateful Lynn did that. Lynn was God’s deliverer of His creation for me.

I’ll be honest, since we’re 10 years apart, her family (and mine) weren’t too keen to the idea of us dating. I was a partying person who wanted to just go out all the time and completely get lost in the merriment. I used to be close to God, but during my late teen years through my twenties, I just did my own thing. If it weren’t for God’s Divine Wisdom and Providence, and my full belief in His Power and Love, there’s no telling where I would be today. Since God is all-knowing, it’s His Grace that brought Felicia and I together 22 years ago. And it’s because of His Providence, He helped Felicia turn me around.

After that night, we talked on the phone a lot. We kind of dated in secret because we just knew neither Vickie nor Lynn (Lee was already in the Air Force at this point, so I didn’t have Big Brother to worry about) neither Vickie nor Lynn would want us together. But, through time, we started seeing each other openly. July 7th 2001 is our “official” first date.

Almost immediately, Felicia and I were inseparable. Her family began to accept me as one of their own, as mine did her. November 15th, 2003, we were married behind the Peace Center with just the smallest group of friends and family present. We rushed off to Myrtle Beach for our honeymoon and could only afford to stay at a cheap motel. But, we loved every bit of it and our time down there. Our marital lives started off with a tragedy, though. The day after our return, I lost my Granny. Felicia’s love helped me through that. And, through every other bump in life as we traveled through it.

19 years… 19 wonderful, glorious, beautiful years. I am truly and eternally grateful Our Father made us for each other. We never had a fight and may only had one or two spats. She is my shoulder, my heart, my love, my joy. Whenever we had to be apart for a few days, those were barely tolerable. We always called each other to be together in voice when we couldn’t in person. And, we always ended each and every call with “I love you.” No matter the context of the call and no matter where either of us were. You all know that with technology, we can get pretty lazy. And, I’m sure some of you have taken advantage of that and called someone else in your house instead of getting up and talking to them directly. Well, even those calls, we’d end them with “I love you.” We constantly and fervently reminded each other of our love for each other.

During our early years of marriage, Felicia had a hard time conceiving. Then, eventually, after going months with an excruciating back pain, and after a handful of doctors being ignorant, her OB finally asked to perform a laparoscopic surgery to see if Felicia had endometriosis. As a result of that, the discovery was made, and her OB removed all she could. This improved Felicia’s condition and helped her get back to a somewhat normal life. We still couldn’t have children, though. And, we really couldn’t afford to have any kind of fertility treatment.

So, we lived our lives loving on other children by teaching them the Word of God in church and by looking after her cousins and our nieces and nephews. Even though we had no children of our own, God blessed us with dozens of children through church and family. Felicia knew how much I wanted children and it hurt her so much she couldn’t offer that to me. But I never thought anything of it. I accepted the plan God designed for us. She knew and understood that and appreciated it. She still was hurt, but grew to accept my willingness to just be us.

A few years ago, we could afford to start treatment due to new policies with my company. So, we found a doctor who specialized in endometriosis and fertility. Unfortunately, and unbeknownst to us, he was wrapping up his practice to move to a university as a professor. Had we known that at the time, we would have made other arrangements. As a result, things didn’t work out and we just moved along.

All this time, Felicia had been feeling like her endo had returned. So, we kept an eye on it. Eventually, it got so bad, we ended up in the ER a few times. This all started about a year ago. She was in so much pain…

The pain from endometriosis can be so subtle it’s barely noticed to excruciatingly debilitating. That was Felicia’s pain. And it broke my heart to see her struggle with it. At first, it was just monthly because the pain was its worse during her periods. However, her periods became bi-weekly. And the pain remained near constant. She had good days, even a good week here and there. But, the toll it was taking on her body was wearing her down. We found a new OB who also specializes in endo and fertility. So, we started seeing her back in October, I believe. The first thing the OB wanted to do was regulate her cycle and get her back to a monthly one. So, birth control was prescribed. This seemed to help a little, but the pain was still there. Not as bad, but still there.

Throughout these past 12 months, Felicia told me once or twice that she thought she was a burden to me. That tore me up. My angel will never be my burden. I love her to no end, and I reminded her of that. I told her I don’t want to go anywhere or do anything other than be with her and do my best to care for her. I gave her all my love and support. She knew that. She understood that.

Tuesday morning, she started getting sick. It was as bad as it had been for some time. Monday night, we thought maybe she was coming down with the flu because her body had been aching the past few days. We thought maybe she was just having flu-like symptoms. But, by Tuesday morning, it became intolerable, and she got sick. I gave her a message and laid with her a bit before she said I could return to work. After a little bit, I checked on her and gave her another message. I asked if she wanted me to stay with her and she said she was okay and that I could leave.

That was the last time I heard my dear wife’s voice. That was the last time I would hold her.

God is incapable of evil. He is only Love. It’s His Love that brought us together. It’s His Love that guided Felicia to return me to Him. It’s His Love that made our marriage the joy it was. I am forever grateful for His undying and perfect Love. I am forever grateful for His Son, Jesus, who died for my sins so that I may live forever with Him. And, I am comforted to know Felicia also knows Jesus and is fully healed, now. She’s worshiping and praising Our Father without any pain or suffering.

The Bible talks a lot about pain and suffering. It also talks about healing. It talks a lot about grief and sorrow. But it also talks about comfort.

In His Word, we are reminded by Paul in his letter to Philippi “I can do all things through Messiah, who strengthens me.” In the Tanakh, my Old Testament, we are reminded through Proverbs 3:5 and 6 (which happens to be Felicia’s favorite passage) “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and don’t lean on your own understanding. In all your ways, acknowledge Him, and He will direct your paths.”

I trust in my Lord and Savior Jesus the Christ. I focus on Him, now, to help me climb this million-mile mountain. As Yeshua reminds us in John 16:22 “Therefore you now have sorrow, but I will see you again, and your heart will rejoice, and no one will take your joy away from you.” He reminds us in Matthew 5:4 “Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.” In John 14 verse one, Jesus says "Don't let your heart be troubled. Believe in God. Believe also in me.”

Throughout Paul’s ministry, and especially near the end, he suffered. He suffered most towards the end. But he reminds us in Romans 8:18 in saying “For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which will be revealed toward us.” Psalm 102:17 says, “He will respond to the prayer of the destitute; he will not despise their plea.” And Lamentations 3:31-32 says “For no one is cast off by the Lord forever. Though he brings grief, he will show compassion, so great is his unfailing love.”

His Word brings me comfort. His Word brings me peace. Do I struggle? Certainly. Am I grieved? Of course. But Isaiah 25:8 reminds me that “He will swallow up death forever. The Sovereign LORD will wipe away the tears from all faces; he will remove his people’s disgrace from all the earth. The LORD has spoken.” And, finally, as Jesus was preparing to end His ministry, He tells us in John 16:20 “Very truly I tell you, you will weep and mourn while the world rejoices. You will grieve, but your grief will turn to joy.” And, again as I mentioned a moment ago, in verse 22 He says “So with you: Now is your time of grief, but I will see you again and you will rejoice, and no one will take away your joy.”

These Words of The Messiah, My Lord and My Savior, bring me comfort. I pray, earnestly, they do the same for each of you. Felicia would want you to lean on Him. She would want you to look to Him in this time. She wouldn’t want you to suffer any longer than needed. She wants you to look upon the Cross and be reminded of the Glory of Our Father that through Him, all things are possible. Even this time in our lives.

I love each and every one of you. As we celebrate my sweet wife’s life, my prayer is you remember her fondly and are reminded of how much Jesus loves you. I pray you will not turn from God in anger because you hurt. I pray you will not curse Him because of this suffering. I pray you find Him. I pray you worship Him. His Love is eternal and it’s this Love that holds me here, now. It’s this love that guides me through this valley. I am human, so I will stumble. I will still grieve. I will still hurt. But my heart is in His hands. My soul is in His arms. And I pray each of you can find that same comfort.