June 27, 2023

Thank you, Adonai, for reminding me on this 18th week...

I miss Felicia. Terribly. I miss her laugh. I miss her touch. I miss her smile. I miss her voice... I miss her...

As I continue to stand at the edge of this boat, looking across the stormy waters and seeing Yeshua patiently waiting for me, I need to be patiently waiting on Yahweh. I need to continue to be courageous as I face my suddenly altered life. I need to show Him I'm being of good courage so I can help Him heal and strengthen my heart.

"Patiently wait..." I'm the kind of person who needs to see results immediately. I need whatever task I'm assigned to be completed quickly. I have no idea why. But being tested in this area has been hard. It's times like this that Felicia would have been able to help me move through it. Now I need to show God I can be patient in my waiting.

18 weeks ago, I held my wife one last time. I kissed her lips one last time. I comforted her in her excruciating pain one last time... since then, I've played the "shoulda coulda" game several times. And I lost each time. Badly. This is where I need to patiently wait on Yahweh. I can't play that game. It doesn't help anything. It only makes things worse.

It's been 18 weeks full of emotional moments. I know there are hundreds more of these moments just in the next 18 weeks. There will be thousands of these moments before 1 year has passed...

I miss my beautiful wife. She's everywhere I look. This home is full of Felicia. It has been comforting but heartbreaking. I love seeing the millions of reminders of my darling bride, but it's still tough to handle. And this is where my patience needs to come in.

Father, help me to be patient while I wait on You. And thank you for 22 fantastic years.

I love you, my sweet princess. Always. Forever. #Fiercely