June 14, 2023

This was the VOD from two years ago. This is one of the principles I'm trying to live by. I have put my #Trust in Yahweh. I have called on Him to be my #refuge. He is my fortress. My strong tower. My Deliverer.

Yesterday was a tough day, and today is hardly any better. I've been stuck in disbelief. Although it's been 16 weeks, I'm still finding myself waiting on my wife. I still feel like she's just left to go to the store and will be home soon. Although it's been 16 weeks, I still feel like I just lost her...

I'm trying so hard to move forward. I recall her voice in my dream when she told me I'm moving. As heartwarming and needed as that was, I'm still struggling. I need to step out of this boat and cross these stormy waters. I need to get to the shore so I can continue climbing my million-mile mountain. But I'm stuck. I've been stuck. I can't believe my beloved wife is no longer with me. I can't believe I'll never see her beautiful face, hear her sweet voice, or feel her gentle touch ever again in this life. I just can't believe it...

This is my struggle. I know she's gone. I know she's praising Adonai in His Kingdom. I know she's healed and whole again in the Full #Glory of Our Father. I know all this. But my heart has been refusing to believe it. My heart has a void left where the best part of me was ripped away. And I struggle with this. Immensely. Daily. Moment to moment. And each time I remind myself she's not here anymore, my shattered heart breaks even more.

Yet, I know Yeshua is working on healing it. I know the Holy Spirit is lifting this burdensome weight from my shoulders. I know God is my fortress. I know that as long as I keep my #focus on Him, as long as I keep my #trust in Him, I can make it to the peak of this mountain. I just need to patiently abide in Him. I need to dwell on His #Word because He is my Comforter. He is my Redeemer.

I know my darling wife is in His Presence, worshiping at His Feet, dancing in His Love. While this gives me #Hope, my heart still mourns for my beloved angel. #Intensely.

I love you, Felicia. Always. Forever. #Fiercely