Isaiah 26:4

July 17, 2023

21 weeks ago, today, I could have never known that would be the last full day I had with my wife. I could have never known that within 36 hours from that Monday morning, I would lose my wife suddenly and unexpectedly. Since then, I've played the "Woulda Coulda" game several times and lost each time.

I #trust in Adonai. I trust His #Plan. I trust He will use me for His #Glory. I trust He will heal my shattered heart. I trust He will help me step out of this boat...

I also trust that He will help me grieve the death of my beloved Felicia. And because I trust in Yahweh, I know He will be my #Rock; my Strong Tower; my Deliverer... I know that in my weakest moments, El Shadai will be there with me, lifting me, carrying me up my million-mile mountain.

And I'm going to continue needing Him to be there for me. I'm going to continue trusting in Him and His Plan for me. As #difficult and heartwrenching as it is for me to put one foot in front of the other, I know that I'd be so much worse off if I hadn't run to Him at the very beginning. If I hadn't trusted Yeshua to take my heart, if I hadn't trusted the Holy Spirit to lift my burden, if I hadn't trusted Adonai to be my #Light, I wouldn't be where I am today. I would have made many people's lives miserable with worry.

God knew that and helped me over every hurdle. And he'll continue helping over all future hurdles. All because I trust Him. He knows I #hurt. He knows how distraught and lonely I am. He knows how desperately I want to have my sweet bride by my side. He knows just how devastated I am. And He's working to bring me out of my pit of despair and back onto the mountain of #Hope.

I'm working on it. It's just going to be a while. I'm accepting that, as hard as it is for me. So, I'll summit my mountain someday. Until then, I Trust in the Lord. I Trust Him to continue being my Rock. And I know He will.

I miss you, my wonderful wife. Horribly. Always. Forever. #Fiercely