[A]s I was talking with Yahweh, I realized there's so much I can do, so much I should do, that I need to go ahead and step off this boat and towards Yeshua.

I'm trying to hold it together. I'm trying to focus on Yeshua to get me to shore so I can reach the summit of my million-mile mountain. But it's so hard. It's so, so hard being here without you by my side…

I hurt so much, Felicia. My heart and soul are so defeated right now... I miss you... I miss every part of you. I miss you more than anyone has ever missed anyone ever. This pain... this grief... it's so heavy... so, so heavy…

Remodeling is going to be hard. Just cleaning it out has been hard. It feels like I’m wiping you away…

Today has been one of those rollercoaster days.…

…I’m going to have a hard time moving into the future. I’m going to have a hard time because our future was the only thing we planned…

When you passed, the very best part of me went, too. I don’t know if I’ll ever get to enjoy true happiness again.

But, I’m unhappy. Right now, it feels like I’ll never be happy again while here. My happiness left on February 21 when you unexpectedly and suddenly departed…

The only way I get through this pain is by focusing on Our Lord, Yeshua. Knowing you are with Him, now, praising His Name, basking in His Glory, I can get through my day.

My heart just rebroke into a billion pieces as I pulled into the driveway.

My shattered heart is mourning for you right now. Some moments are better than others, and right now is a bad one. I'm glad I came on this trip, though - its helping me to preserve my fond memories of the love we had. I've been telling people I'm here to honor you. They've been nothing but polite and loving. You would have loved being here with me.

It's tough being here without you. You would love it here.

It hurts my heart knowing I'll never hold you again here. It hurts my soul knowing I'll never gaze into your beautiful eyes again here.

I love you so much, Felicia. I pray you know how much I love you. I pray I was every bit of the husband you deserved. I pray you know I gave you all I had because I love you that much. I pray you know that.

I need to be stronger in my faith, though. I need to be better at resisting the various temptations satan throws at me.

Not a moment goes by that I'm not thinking of you, remembering things we did, or looking at your photo.

I realized you were my Audrey Hepburn.

Then, I remember that my favorite part about me is no longer here…

you were in every part of my life and now I'm empty…

I started drowning in those memories. On one hand, I wanted to stay there but on the other, my heart was crying in agony…