#Headspace

March 28, 2023

Sometimes, my headspace can be overwhelming... today marked my fifth week without you, Felicia. Today, as every other Tuesday between then and now, has been difficult. I found myself in my head a lot. I found myself recalling conversations and laughs and hugs and dinners... I started drowning in those memories. On one hand, I wanted to stay there but on the other, my heart was crying in agony...

I miss your sweet voice, my beautiful angel. I miss your warm touches, your boisterous (and contagious) laugh, your sweet eyes, your gentle lips... I miss your love, your thoughts, your aspirations, your concerns, your care, your love...

My heart aches for your touch, again. My mind longs for your deep thoughts, again. My ears long for your melodic voice, again... I am heartbroken and unbearably saddened... I grieve with pain. It's in these moments satan lobs his darts at me.

This is when I refocus - this is when I realize I need to #trust my Lord and Savior Yeshua. I need to return my focus to Him. HE'S the one who can pull me up this mountain. HE'S the one who can mend my shattered heart, wipe away my tears, and comfort me. I turn to Yeshua in my despair, not some doomed angel. I turn to Him who grants eternal life full of #Joy, #Happiness, and #Healing. I knock away those darts and remind that old serpent I belong to Yahweh. My thoughts belong to God, not the devil. So, time and again, I remind myself of this and reclaim my headspace.

This doesn't change how much I miss you, though. My shattered heart is healing in Jesus' hands. My overburdened soul is being made lighter by the Holy Spirit. I'm suffering, tremendously, as I climb this mountain. But, God will not let me suffer long. I just need to keep reminding myself of that as I continue to mourn.

I love you, my sweet, sweet bride. Always. Forever. #Fiercely