I’m so, so lonely…
June 21, 2023
Hey, Felicia...
I'm so lonely right now, Felicia... so, so lonely... my heart has been aching for yours... my soul has been longing for yours... I'm so lonely... I miss you so much, my precious angel... so, so much...
I think it's because I'm having our room remodeled. I know we had planned to... so, now, your uncle Jim is being kind enough to step in and tackle the project. But... it's not "our" room, now... it's barren of furniture as the ceiling and one wall are being repaired. Then, there will be paint, new fixtures, a desk, and, eventually, a new bed...
I thought I was ready for this to happen, but right now my heart is just ripped to shreds... I need you with me as I remodel. You wanted the old, rustic barn look as much as I do. So, that's what it's going to be. But... I need you here with me, my princess. I need you here... I need you...
I hurt so much, Felicia. My heart and soul are so defeated right now... I miss you... I miss every part of you. I miss you more than anyone has ever missed anyone ever. This pain... this grief... it's so heavy... so, so heavy...
But I have hope. I know you're no longer agonizing in the debilitating pain and suffering of your endometriosis. I know your sleep deprivation has been healed. I know you're singing at the Alter of the Most High Yahweh. I know you haven't had a tear since February 21...
Today is the longest day of the year, according to the sun. But, 4 months ago started my longest day. February 21 has not set, yet. I'm still living that day... yet I know that with the loving help of Adonai, with the gentle whisper of the Holy Spirit, with the warm guidance of Yeshua, I can get through this day, however long it should last.
Felicia, there is nothing here that can fill the void left in my heart when you were ripped from our lives - nothing but the Words of the Messiah. I know that I need to keep my eyes on Him, keep His Words in my heart. I need to share who He is so this forsaken world can come to know Him. Felicia, my beautiful wife, I need to keep doing what we started 20 years ago. I need to share who Yeshua is to anyone willing to listen.
My distraught and shattered heart, longing for your love, is being healed by His #Love. My crushed and devastated soul, yearning for your touch, is being comforted by His Holy Spirit. Yahweh is my Strong Tower, my Protector, my Provider. As long as I lean on Him, my dear wife, I know I can get through this, my longest day, as i climb my million-mile mountain.
But I still miss you... passionately... desperately... I love you, my sweet bride. Always. Forever. Fiercely
