12 Weeks

May 16, 2023

Hey, Felicia...

12 weeks ago, today, I last heard your sweet voice. 12 weeks ago, today, I last held you. 12 weeks ago, today, you went Home... and I've been missing you horribly each waking moment. Life has been a blur these past 12 weeks and I'm sure it will remain blurry for a while.

Felicia, I miss your laugh. You could make even the hardest of men laugh along with you. I miss your smile - it always lit up the room. I miss your hugs - they warmed even the coldest of hearts. I miss your kisses - they melted my heart. I miss your touch - it always electrified me. I miss your eyes - they always showed your love for me...

I miss YOU. I miss every single part of you, even the parts you never understood why I liked. I miss your love... I miss your heart... I miss your thoughts, your conversations, your dreams...

I've talked about how, when I'm distracted, I forget I'm a widower. Then, once I get a reminder, 12 weeks ago happens all over again for me. This pattern goes on throughout my day, from waking to sleeping. I'm constantly reminded you are no longer with me. And it hurts. Unfathomably.

The only way I get through this pain is by focusing on Our Lord, Yeshua. Knowing you are with Him, now, praising His Name, basking in His Glory, I can get through my day. It's a comfort and a peace I have knowing you are fully healed, whole, and ALIVE in His Presence. Knowing that I'll be joining you some day in His Kingdom is what helps me to continue my journey up this million-mile mountain. Knowing that Yeshua has my heart, His Spirit has my soul, and Yahweh is my Deliverer, I can defeat this mountain. And, I will. It will just take time. And patience.

I love you, my beautiful bride. Always. Forever. #Fiercely