March 3, 2023

I struggle with this. But, I know if I just lose my life to Him, He will use me in ways I can never imagine. And, that's what I want - I want Yahweh to use my tragedy, my heartbroken loss to show others The Kingdom. I want Yeshua to shine His Light through me as I carry my Cross through this muck of despair. I want Him to be Glorified and Honored for who He is - #Truth.

This million-mile journey is fraught with pain and agony, but with Him by my side, helping me with my cross, I know I can reach the summit of this mountain. It's just a matter of time, a matter of will.

I've stumbled on this path, already. I've crashed to my knees, already. But as long as I keep my eyes focused on Him, as long as I keep my cross FOR Him, I know I can make it. My heart is still shattered, my soul is still crushed... but I can feel Him with me and this comforts me to no end. He knows my pain, He knows my hurt. He knows these memories I have, the phantom sounds echoing in my mind, are the only thing I have left to keep Felicia's memory alive in me. Alive...

This is also where I am comforted: I know she is FULLY healed and ALIVE in His Glory, singing praises to Him, worshipping at His Feet, feeling the pure, unfiltered, Holy Love that only those who went before us can feel. This helps my heart to cope. And I'm grateful for her Faith because, without that, I'd be in utter darkness...

I love you, Felicia. I miss you. Always. Forever. #Fiercely