June 15, 2023

I've been troubled... I've been hurting. I've found myself walking a tightrope up this million-mile mountain. I'm trying to stay on the path Yahweh has paved for me, but sometimes it's so difficult I just want to wander off into the wilderness. I know I shouldn't. I know that in those moments, I'm the most vulnerable and need to stay laser-focused on Him who Provides, who Delivers, who Shelters...

Being human during times like this seems unfair. It seems like my mortal heart just can't handle any more turmoil and suffering. But I know that these moments are there for me to grow even more in my #faith in Him who died for me - Yeshua. As hard and painful as this is, I have to constantly remind myself I'm not alone in my suffering. I am surrounded by family who loves Felicia dearly. I am surrounded by friends who love me dearly. I have an excellent support system and know I'm not physically alone in this life.

I also know that my suffering isn't unique. I know there are others out there who have suffered far worse tragedies than I. I know the loss of my dear wife isn't something that only I feel. I know Felicia's family and friends hurt just as I do. But being human has its limitations. Even though I know there are others who are in a worse place than me, there are others who are suffering the way I am, I still (sometimes) feel like I'm the only one standing on a stormy lake halfway up this million-mile mountain, looking over the side and across the waters, listening to Jesus call out "Come to me."

I need to move. Felicia said I am. Which means she spoke words God needed me to hear. I'm moving. I just don't feel like I am...

Ever since my return from Holland, I've been struggling. Then, when I thought I was improving, I agreed to let Felicia's sweet uncle Jim go into our room and start remodeling it. He packed our belongings into crates for me to sort through when I'm ready... right now, I can't do it. Not without Felicia...

I miss you, my bride. Always. Forever. #Fiercely