14 Weeks
May 30, 2023
It's His #Word that comforts me. It's His Word that reminds me I will be okay...
It was another up-and-down weekend. I had many good moments, but they were divided by many not-too-good moments. There were plenty of times when I was actually expecting to see my beautiful wife. There were times when I was actually expecting to hear her voice. And one time I did - when I accidentally called her number while driving. It was good to hear her voice, but I wasn't prepared, and it jolted me from my happy moments back to my horrific reality.
I had moments this weekend where I just thought, "Surely, this isn't real. Surely I'll wake up to find my lovely Felicia lying next to me, sound asleep." I still have moments of disbelief. I still find myself wondering when this nightmare will be over. 14 weeks ago, today, my wonderful bride took her last breath. But it still feels like yesterday and like it never happened and like I'm dreaming and like it just happened and like I'm dreaming... the pain, the torment, the constant reminder Felicia is no longer with me is perpetual. It ebbs and flows, but slowly. Immediately after it ebbs, I get overwhelmed with emotions of loss and hurt.
Seeing a verse like Isaiah 43:2 is a wonderful reminder that whenever I feel stuck in this constant tidal flux of emotions, I get reminded by Yahweh that He's right there with me. I know that as long as I keep my eyes focused on Him, I'll get to the summit of my million-mile mountain. I know He will deliver me from this turmoil. I know He's my Strong Tower. I know He's My Shepherd and will lead me to pastures of green grass...
Felicia knew this, too. She loves Yeshua with all her heart, soul, and mind. She loves Yahweh with every bit of her being. And because of her #love and #faith in Him, she's fully healed and ALIVE in His Presence, worshiping in His #Glory. My shattered heart finds respite from its constant suffering in knowing this. This is how I can get through my day.
I miss you, my beloved, sweet, wonderful wife. Always. Forever. #Fiercely
