May 19, 2023

When Yeshua told His disciples He was going away for a while, they were upset. Justifiably. They had so much more they wanted to learn from the Rabbi, they wanted Him to stay much longer. But He explained that He's going to prepare their eternal homes for them and told them they needn't worry. They shouldn't let their hearts be troubled.

I needed to see that sentence this morning. I needed this reminder that Jesus has prepared a place for me, for you, for Felicia... She's already there. She's in His House, proclaiming His Name as Lord of Lords and King of Kings. She's dancing in His Full #Glory, basking in the Full #Light of His #Love. As much as I've been hurting this week, this is still a wonderful reminder from My Savior that Felicia is with Him and I will be too, someday.

I need this reminder to not let my heart be troubled because my heart is distraught right now. I've been in deep mourning ever since my return from Holland, MI. Just as I thought I had been making good progress in my healing, I've stumbled down this mountain, some, in utter despair. February 21 happened all over again for me when I got back. It's as if it were last night. I'm hurting badly. I'm missing Felicia, my beautiful wife, horribly.

I know she's with Our Father. I know she's in her mansion He prepared for her. I know she's fully #healed and #ALIVE in His Glory. This knowledge comforts me; it comforts my shattered heart. Thats just it, though. My heart is still shattered. My tears are still flowing. My soul is still crushed. But I am not refusing to let My Savior heal my heart. I'm not going to stop Yahweh from wiping away my tears. I'm not going to prevent the Holy Spirit from removing this burdensome weight.

I need to let God in His Three Persons heal me so that I can continue working for Him. I just don't know how long that will take. I've never had good patience, so now's the time I need to start truly working on it. He's working on it for me so I should help Him by practicing patience daily. I'll get there. I have to. I need to. Yahweh wants me to, I'm certain.

I love you, my wonderful wife. Always. Forever. #Fiercely