#Difficult

April 30, 2023

For the first few weeks following the tragic, sudden, and unexpected death of my wonderful wife, it was difficult for me to sleep. So accustomed to sleeping with my beautiful bride by my side, I found going to sleep a challenge.

But, having remained focused on Yahweh to bring me out of the pit of despair and onto the million-mile path up this mountain, I began to find rest in His Arms, sleep in His Comfort... I still struggle time to time. I still lay awake some nights, just stuck in pain, mourning my angel. But then Yeshua reminds me she is pain-free and worshiping Our Father in all His #Glory. This brings me #peace.

As I begin to walk across this stormy lake halfway up my mountain, I beseech The Lord to continue healing my shattered heart; I ask for The Spirit to continue lifting this immovable weight from my crushed soul. I pray for Adonai to redirect me away from "Woulda Coulda Forest" and keep me on my path. Sometimes I stumble. Sometimes I stop moving altogether. But I know He is with me. His rod and staff comfort me as memories of my Felicia flood my heart.

I recently mentioned how I find myself distracted by tasks and whatnot. But once I'm reminded of my status as a widower, February 21, 2023 happens all over again for me. The pain. The torment. The overwhelming sadness of having lost my favorite part of me knocks me to my knees. I'm learning to cope with these moments, but they're still almost as difficult as when I first started this climb.

My only respite, my only solace, is knowing my beloved wife is dancing and praising Elohim in His Full #Love and #Grace. She's healed, whole, and #ALIVE again in His Presence, no longer suffering or in pain. It's these reminders that help me move forward...

I love you, my sweet, sweet princess. Always. Forever. #Fiercely