I Delight in My Weakness

March 26, 2023

When I first read this verse, I thought "I wish I could be like Paul." Then, I understood what he was saying. He was talking about teaching about Jesus and not just suffering in general. Paul delighted in his pains and sufferings he endured as a result of his teaching about the Grace and Love of Yeshua (Paul was often imprisoned and suffered other pains during his ministry).

So, too, I delight in my pains as I witness to you. For the sake of my Lord and Savior, I will endure my pains, my trials, my turmoil because I know that while I feel defeated, I'm winning; while my soul feels crushed, I'm healing all because of my faith in Yeshua.

What happened to me nearly 5 weeks ago is something I wouldn't wish on anyone. The pain of the sudden and unexpected loss of my dear wife is something I couldn't have suffered if it weren't for Jesus, Adonai, and the Holy Spirit. Were it not for the Trinity being there for me, I would have been defeated and drowned in a pit of despair.

Instead, I seek comfort in My Lord; I "delight" in my suffering because I know that Yeshua is making me stronger, healing my shattered heart, and lifting this immovable weight. I still have a long way to go up this million-mile mountain, but I'm gaining more and more clarity as I climb - I'm becoming more and more faithful in Him who created all things.

My human heart, though, still aches for Felicia. It still longs for her touch, her smile, her laugh... when I lost my wife, I lost a piece of me. Now, through my #faith in Christ, I can feel that part of me healing. It's healing slowly, but I believe the rate is deliberate. I know I'll always be missing that piece of me, which went away, but I know my scar will be a fond reminder of my wonderful wife.

I love you, my sweet angel. Always. Forever. #Fiercely