I Still Stumble…
March 27, 2023
This is one of the #truths Felicia knew - she knew Yeshua was born to save us from our sins. She knew He suffered on the #cross so that we wouldn't. She trusted and put her #faith in Jesus, Our Lord, and Savior. It is this reason I can find #peace in my torn world. It is this reason I can find #comfort in my shattered heart.
Tuesday, February 21st, 2023, is a date that will forever be soiled by the most horrific moment of my life. But, it's also the date when Felicia stopped suffering, stopped being in the agonizing pain she was in. She was made #whole, was #healed, and became #ALIVE in His #Glory. Although my incredible wife was no longer with me, although my heart was utterly destroyed, I immediately cried out to Yahweh. It wasn't "why???" It wasn't to curse Him...
I cried out to My Father in Heaven because my heart was rent, and I needed His Comfort to help me avoid a darkness I would have let consume me, had I not known Jesus as my Savior. As broken as I was, as horrible as that moment was, I knew the ONLY way I could climb this million-mile mountain was to grab onto His Hand and hold onto it tightly.
Even though Yahweh has been my sanctuary, even though Jesus has been my healer, even though His Spirit has been lifting this burden, I've still stumbled; I've still fallen. But He's been there, for me, every time. He's the only reason I haven't slid down this mountain into a pit of terrible despair. It's all because of His #Love for me... for US.
I'm sure I'll stumble a few more times as I climb. I'm sure I'll have moments of incredible pain which could cause me to fall off this mountain. But as long as I keep my focus on Him, as long as I trust in His Word, I know I can reach the summit. I remind myself, daily, I can't do this alone - I NEED Him because I'm a broken man and can only be healed through Yeshua.
As I continue up this mountain, I miss my beautiful angel. Horribly. I miss her laugh, her touch, her kiss, her flirtiness, her smile, her wit. I miss HER. I long for HER. In the midst of my longing, though, I am comforted by Him because He reminds me she's whole again. She's healed and singing praises.
I love you, Felicia. Always. Forever. #Fiercely
