#Comfort

April 3, 2023

Felicia loved Our Lord. She spent time studying His Word. Even in the great pain she was constantly in, she would go to Him in prayer. Sometimes, her prayers were to ask Yahweh why she must suffer so. But she never lost her #faith in Him. She always #trusted Him in His ways. Even during her suffering...

One thing that has kept my knees buckled as I try climbing this million-mile mountain is I no longer have my wife to care for, to love on, to massage, to comfort... my daily life has been drastically changed, and it's been difficult readjusting.

If you recall, our #chorkie, Buster, was diagnosed with lymphoma back in November. So, my daily routines included taking extra care of him. Felicia helped when she could, but I insisted that I be the "bad guy" and administer his medication - I didn't want Buster to turn away from Felicia, so I figured if I were the only one giving him his meds (mostly homeopathic aids), he'd still be affectionate with Felicia. Eventually, he knew I wasn't being mean, but we still kept that routine in that way.

Then, on January 18th, his pain was too unbearable and he cried out, continuously. So Felicia drove us to the vet and we had to put him down. At that point, that was one of the worst days of my life, putting down a 4-year-old pup...

My routines had to change after that. And it was hard to readjust. But, I still had Felicia and my attention to her. Every other week, I would spend time massaging her back to relieve her pain. I even gave her a few massages that Tuesday morning...

Now, I'm learning to readjust again. But that also means I'm learning to live my life without my love... and this is the difficult part. I keep returning to that Tuesday and I relive it. Not on purpose. I just keep getting reminders that Felicia is no longer with me. Every time I do, I cry out to Yahweh for His #Comfort. I cry out to Yeshua... He wants me to step out of the boat...

I love you, my beautiful angel. Always. Forever. #Fiercely