March 24, 2023

This was the verse of the day from a year ago. This is one of the principles I live by. It's something I helped Felicia understand and live by, as well. It's a verse I use in combination with Isaiah 43:18 "Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past."

We all have pasts that haunt us. And, we all have fears on what tomorrow may bring... a long time ago, I showed Felicia how worrying about the past is fruitless (we can't change anything that happened, just learn from them) and worrying about what tomorrow may bring is faithless. I showed her how we should just focus on the "here and now." She loved that about me. She had a LOT of past moments she wanted to forget about, and I was able to help her.

She did so well at adhering to this principle (don't worry about the past or future, just focus on today), she actually began reminding me whenever I slipped and worried. We were a great team like that. We always supported each other and reminded each other that we're "here and now" and should remain focused and faithful on that principle.

Now, as I continue this million-mile climb up this mountain, I can't dwell on the past nor should I worry about tomorrow. If I dwell on the past, I fall into "Coulda-Shoulda Forest" and can get lost in it real quick. I've already been through that forest and I do not want to go back.

I can't worry about what tomorrow may bring, either. If I do, I'm telling Yahweh I have no faith. It's been my #faith which has gotten me this far, even in life in general: in the early part of our marriage, we were living paycheck to paycheck, a lot of the times just barely. But because I understood the principle Yeshua had identified, I knew that we would be able to make it. And we did. It was this repeated pattern of faith and #trust in Him which helped Felicia see how Jesus can be a Helper if you let Him. She loved Him for that and thanked me for helping her see His Words come to life in our own lives.

So now I put my faith and trust in Him, still, even as I continue to suffer and mourn the loss of my wonderful wife. I try to heed the words of the prophet Isaiah and not worry about what I could have done differently. I try to lean on the words of the Messiah and not worry about tomorrow. My only task at the moment is to just be present in Him, focus on what I have in Him and how He, the Spirit, and Our Father can put my life back together. I can't climb this mountain without them. I can't let my pain and heartache get in the way of what He needs me to do. I can mourn. I can grieve. These are very natural emotions and some which Yeshua, Himself, experienced. But I can't let these emotions consume me. And I haven't. I've fallen to my knees, but I haven't turned away. I've cried out "Why???" But, I haven't given up on Him because He never gave up on me.

I miss you, Felicia. In between the hours of despair, I have moments of clarity and can smile knowing you're healed, whole, and ALIVE in Our God's Presence, worshipping and praising Him in His Magnificent Glory. It's these moments of clarity which Yeshua gives me for comfort. I still miss you, horribly.

I love you, my dear, sweet angel. Always. Forever. #Fiercely