19 Weeks

July 4, 2023

19 weeks ago, the one whom I served in #love took her last breath. 19 weeks ago, my life - our lives - forever changed. 19 weeks ago, I lost my wife...

Today, as people throughout the nation prepare for the evening's festivities and fireworks, I will be thinking about Felicia. I will be thinking about all the time we spent together, serving others. I will be thinking about how Felicia served me and her mom and how we served her.

It's been 19 weeks since I last heard her voice, heard her laugh, saw her smile, kissed her lips, held her close... I miss the affection we had for each other. I miss her caress. I miss her eyes. I miss her love... my dear bride loved me intensely. Her affection for me was breathtaking. The love she had for me was so strong that I could feel it radiate off her.

Now? I haven't had that feeling in 19 weeks. I haven't felt love like only she could give. And it's miserable. I'm so lonely right now, even though I've got the best support group I could ask for. This void in my heart where my favorite part of me was torn away is slowly being repaired by Yeshua. But I'm still so lonely without my dear Felicia. I know I'm not alone. I'm just lonely.

Felicia and I loved on each other so much, there's an emptiness, now, where that love was. Oh, how I long for her kiss. Her touch. Her voice. How I yearn for her arms wrapped around me and her warm whisper of "I love you" in my ear... I hurt... I weep... I long for my sweet wife...

The only way I can keep moving is by keeping my eyes on Jesus. As long as I remain focused on Him during my million-mile climb up this terrible mountain, I know I'll reach the summit. I know I'm not alone. But I'm lonely...

I miss you, my beautiful angel. Always. Forever. #Fiercely