#Seeking

July 6, 2023

Like me, Felicia found Yeshua a long time ago. But after she found Him, she continued seeking Him. It was her persistence that helped me to return to Yahweh. She was such a great influence on me and my #faith.

Now, I walk this path up this million-mile mountain without my wife, the one person who would have made this journey so much easier to travel. But, I know I can do it because Felicia taught me how to be persistent in my faith. She taught me how to stay focused on Yeshua.

Oftentimes, over these past few years, I would return the example and remind her that earnestly seeking Jesus will bring us a peace, a comfort. Now, 19+ weeks later, I'm continuously reminding myself that as long as I remain focused on His Word, His Countenance, I will be able to summit this horrendous mountain through His Providence.

Still, it hurts... still, I suffer... still, my heart remains annihilated... however, I know that through my faith and #trust in Him, I can push through this dark fog and see His Light once again. I just need to be persistent. Just like I learned from my dear bride.

It's easier said than done, but all difficulties in life are. For me, facing this mountain without Felicia by my side is something I never would have even fathomed. In every thought I had, Felicia was part of them. I never made a decision without including my wife. Felicia was such an integral part of my life, I forgot how to function in the weeks following her tragic, sudden, and unexpected death. I still forget...

But, I know as long as I seek Him, I'll be able to function fully and become the man He needs me to be, the man Felicia always saw in me. As long as I focus on His Word, I'll be able to reach the peak of my mountain. It's just going to take a while. I still have a lot of grieving left to do, for my heart remains heavy...

I love you, my beautiful angel. I love your smile. I love your touch. I love your kisses. I love the way you look at me. I love the way you love me... and I miss all of that. Terribly. But you're healed, whole, and singing praises to Yahweh in His Eternal Presence and #Glory. This brings me a peace.

I miss you, Felicia. Always. Forever. #Fiercely