Hebrews 4:16

March 4, 2023

I heard this verse just now and find that God is constantly moving in me - His Spirit is working in me. I have stumbled. I have fallen. But His Grace is greater than anything I want or need. I want to approach His Throne confidently so that I may continue to be in His Full Grace and Mercy.

I need to remember that with each dart of guilt, My Father, Adonai, will remove it. If I can allow Him, the Spirit will prevent it from hitting me. I'm in this place, right now. I've been struggling, a little, with guilt. But I get constant reminders from Yahweh that He is incapable of evil - He is incapable of causing guilt. So, I know when I am presented with this feeling, I can just cast it aside and forget it because it is not of Him.

I've been missing Felicia terribly these past few days... there are questions, unrelated to her unexpected and sudden death, which I can't answer because only she knew. Silly questions like "What temperature do I set the oven to for [food]?" Or "Have you seen my [stuff]?" Just basic questions. I wanted to talk about the Murdaugh trial results with her (she was deeply interested in that), but couldn't.

It's these small conversations that we take for granted that I miss most. They often included her laugh, sly remarks, witty humor, and just all-around fun. And, it's these moments which bring me back to my knees as I continue my climb up this million-mile mountain.

However, each time my legs buckle, each time I collapse, I'm suddenly overwhelmed with LOVE. Yeshua is holding me, His Spirit is walking with me, and Yahweh is LOVING me, through my loneliness. I asked the therapist yesterday which is worse - feeling alone or lonely. She said Alone. Rest assured, I have never felt alone. I'm just lonely, now and again, longing for my sweet Felicia...

I love you, angel. Always. Forever. #Fiercely