He Will Bring Peace

June 29, 2023

This is one of those verses I need to keep reminding myself of. As long as my mind remains focused on Adonai and I show Him complete #trust, He will keep #Peace in me. I need this peace. I need to continue showing Yahweh I fully trust Him...

My life - my plans, my dreams, my aspirations - was forever changed on February 21. I'm still in a daze... I'll go from one level of grief to another in the blink of an eye. Sometimes, it feels like Felicia is still here. Sometimes, it feels like she just went to the store. But, most times, it feels like I just lost her - as in, it just happened.

Feelings are unpredictable and can be overwhelming. Each morning, these past 128 days, I wake up next to no one. This has not gotten easier. After spending nearly 20 years waking up next to my wife, it's not easy doing so without her by my side.

Each night, these past 128 days, hasn't been any easier, either. After having spent the whole day without my dear Felicia, I find myself going to sleep with no one by my side... Felicia and I would sometimes goof around before I went to sleep (she stayed up, usually, because of her insomnia). Sometimes, I'd pretend I didn't have enough covers and pull hers away. Sometimes, I'd pretend I didn't have enough room and roll onto her. Sometimes, I'd move my legs all over, as if I couldn't get comfortable. Just goofy things I did. But, now, I realize why I did those things. I just wanted to touch my wife one last time before going to sleep.

Now I touch emptiness... and this is why I need to continue putting my trust in God. I need His Peace to bring me comfort. I need His Love to bring me peace. As I take each day moment to moment, I need His Grace to guide me up my million-mile mountain. I need Him because I know I can't make this journey without Him.

I miss you, my beautiful bride. I miss your kiss. I miss your touch. I miss your laugh. I miss your eyes. I miss you, my sweet princess. Always. Forever. #Fiercely.