June 28, 2023

"Treat others how you want to be treated." The #GoldenRule. Felicia lived by this rule. She always treated others the way she wanted to be treated. She treated others with respect and love. She tried her best to maintain this principle, better than anyone I know.

Felicia influenced me to live the same way. She showed me what true, Christ-filled #love is. Yahweh used my wife to help me see there's a better way to live life. I just needed someone to help me refocus and get back onto the path He laid out for me.

Now, this path is winding up this million-mile mountain. I'm currently on a boat, in the middle of a stormy lake, wanting to step out onto the waters so that I can continue my journey. I'm having difficulty with this part. I #trust Yeshua. I know He will not let me drown when I walk across this water. My heart just isn't ready, though. I don't know why. All I know is that I'm burdened with grief. My soul is crushed under this weight. My shattered heart is tormented. I'm finding it difficult to move.

But Yahweh gave me that dream where Felicia said I'm moving. So even though I feel like I'm standing still, I guess I'm still moving... I'm just so lonely right now without Felicia. Especially right now, with my pancreas and the issues I'm having with it. I know I have loved ones and great friends. I know there are dozens of people around me who want to bring me comfort. I appreciate and love all of them.

But they are not my wife. Felicia is irreplaceable. The comfort from a friend or relative isn't the same as the comfort from your spouse or S.O. They all know this and don't want to replace Felicia - I know that. I do love my friends and family and am so #thankful God put these people in my life. God put YOU in my life, and I'm #grateful.

I'm missing Felicia, though. Horribly. I miss loving on her. I miss caressing her face. I miss making her laugh. I miss taking care of her. I miss my darling wife. Severely...

I love you, my sweet angel. Always. Forever. #Fiercely