May 20, 2023

This is how I know my sweet Felicia is doing just fine. It's been promised throughout God's #Word that one day we'll suffer no more, we'll cry no longer, we'll be healed and made whole again. It's these #promises I know I can #trust. I know my wife is worshipping Our Father in all His #Glory. I know she's not in any #pain. I know she's fully healed, and all her tears are wiped away. I know these things.

That doesn't make it easier for me. My shattered heart is still broken. My overburdened soul is still crushed. But I can feel Yeshua mending my heart. I can feel the Holy Spirit lifting this weight. I can feel Yahweh comforting me. My healing will take time. I know this. I just, sometimes, feel like I'll never get up this million-mile mountain... sometimes I feel like I'm drowning in this stormy lake...

My therapist reminded me, yesterday, that grieving is like a spiral of emotions that slowly revolve further and further from its origin. And, every once-in-a-while, we'll return to the moment grief started, but the pain and sorrow will be a little easier to manage the next time. So the spiral is off-centered, meaning that I'll always come back to the beginning, only I'll be just a little stronger each time.

So, returning home from Holland, MI brought me back to the beginning, but the pain isn't as horrible as before. It's still very prevalent and very raw. It's just not as sharp. This is a cycle that will repeat for a long time. I understand I'll have peaks and valleys on this journey. I know my emotional rollercoaster will not always be level. It's just very trying and very taxing on my spirit, my mind, my heart...

It's during these tough valleys I need to remind myself of the #Love of My Savior; the healing power of My Lord. I need to stay focused on Yeshua so that I won't drawn in these waters. I need to stay in His Word so that I can continue moving forward up this mountain. I need verses like this one to keep me comforted in knowing my wife is #dancing and #singing, being fully engulfed by His #Holy Love. And, His Word does comfort me. His Promise brings me #peace...

I love you, my beautiful bride. Always. Forever. #Fiercely