May 18, 2023

Some days have more good moments than others. Sometimes, those days run together, and I have a week that will have more good moments than bad. Last week was one of those "good" weeks. This week?

Losing Felicia suddenly and unexpectedly on February 21 is the single worst moment above all bad moments (by tenfold) of my life. After celebrating Felicia's life by taking a trip in her #honor, I'm really hurting this week. February 21 happened all over for me upon my return home...

I know it's been nearly 13 weeks, but it feels like yesterday. I thought I turned a corner a few weeks ago... I think I was wrong. I thought I stepped out of the boat and crossed the stormy waters to Yeshua's Hands... I think I was wrong.

Between my vertigo and my loss, I'm really #suffering right now. I'm hurting. I'm lonely. I'm downtrodden. I'm tired. I'm saddened... I keep reliving February 21 over and over again. I'm in a bad rut...

So, I need to refocus. It seems this will be a common theme for me. I need to reestablish my footing, strengthen my #Faith, #Trust His Spirit, and truly step out of this boat. Christ has stood with me, my shattered heart in His Hands, this whole time. I need to let His Spirit come over me so that I can continue my journey. As #heartbroken and #defeated as I am, I know I can move as long as I keep my eyes on Him. I just need to take that step. I need to be faithful and trust My Lord, I need to trust Adonai.

Even though I'm #broken, I know My Savior will heal me if I'm willing to let Him. Even though I'm overburdened, I know The Spirit will relieve this weight if I let Him. Even though I feel lonely I know I'm not #alone if I keep Yahweh with me.

So, please, friend, don't be #disappointed that I seemed to be so much further along than I am. I thought I was. This week has proven I'm not. But that's a good thing. Now I know where my focus needs to be. And I know He'll help.

I miss my beautiful angel. Always. Forever. #Fiercely