April 14, 2023

Felicia knew Jesus as her Lord and Savior. She looked to Him, often, through her pain. She knew that He's the #way, #truth, and #life. She knew there is no other route to #eternity in #heaven except through believing in Yeshua, in His #Resurrection.

She loved the Lord with all her heart, soul, and mind. Even in her darkest, most painful moments, she still turned to Him. She was an #inspiration to me - watching her keep her focus on Yahweh during her pain-stricken days.

It's this inspiration that first helped me start my million-mile climb up this mountain. I knew that if I put my #trust in Yeshua from the very beginning of this most #tragic moment in my life, I would be able to ascend this mountain. I knew I wouldn't be able to make it without my Lord holding my shattered heart, His Spirit carrying this immovable weight, Our Father lighting my dark path...

I've misstepped here or there, but I've never left this mountain. And, now, I'm on a boat, in the middle of a lake halfway up this mountain, with storm-driven waves crashing all around. But Jesus is on the water, beckoning for me to have even more #faith and step out of the boat, onto the water, and towards Him.

I'm ready to take that step. I'm ready to step out of the boat and go to Him. I'm ready to continue my climb. But I still find myself holding onto Felicia; I still find myself unable to fully let go... I'm trying, but my broken heart still needs more healing. My burdened soul still needs to be lighter. I know I'll step off this boat and onto the water. I know I'll get there. I'm just not sure when...

I miss you, my beautiful wife. My moments of grief are becoming shorter, with moments of clarity and peace becoming increasingly larger and not as far between. My moments of grief are still intense. My sorrow is still prevalent. But they are getting softer. They are not hurting as hard. I still miss you horribly, though. Every minute.

I love you, my angel. Always. Forever. #Fiercely