My Burden is Still Heavy

March 20, 2023

In times of horrific despair, terrible pain, or unbearable turmoil, I suppose it can be easier to do evil rather than good. But what use would that be? Why would one want to be an evil person just because something tragic happened in their lives?

Four weeks ago, today, was the last day I had with my beautiful wife. Four weeks ago, today, was the last time Felicia joked with me, smiled at me, cooked for me...

Ever since that fateful Tuesday, I could have turned to evil; I could have shut Yahweh completely out of my life. But why would I? How COULD I?? The very first thing I did was run TO Him. I knew I wouldn't get an answer as to "Why?" But I knew I would find comfort and rest amid my suffering.

And I have. My burden is still heavy. My heart is still broken. My soul is still crushed. At least, that's how it feels. But I know Yeshua is healing my heart. I know His Spirit is lifting this weight from my soul. I know God has me in His Hands, holding onto me firmly. I still slip. I still stumble. But that's because I think I'm ready to do things on my own - I'll never be ready to be on my own. I'm not SUPPOSED to go this journey alone.

As treacherous as this million-mile mountain may seem, my path can be simple and obstacle-free if I just continue to let Him guide me. So as I continue to mourn my sweet, lovely, funny, witty, intelligent, beautiful angel, I need to understand and realize that I can make it to the summit as long as I allow Him to be my leader. And as long as I keep myself from doing evil...

I love Felicia #Fiercely. I miss her continously. But I know she's healed, happy, whole, and ALIVE again in Our Father's #Glory. I know she's praising His Name with all those who went before her. It's this #fact that helps me continue to hike up this path. It's this knowledge that puts a smile on my shattered heart.

I love you, my bride. Always. Forever. Fiercely.