#LoveisPatient

June 12, 2023

Tomorrow will be 16 weeks without my beautiful wife, yet it still feels like I just lost her. Sometimes, it still feels like she's here. Sometimes, it even feels like it's just a dream. Then, there are times when it feels like all of the above at once. Right now is one of those times...

Today's verse is one in which we've always applied to our relationship with each other. We applied the full context (1 Corinthians 13:4-8), but this first part is an important key. Felicia embodied patience and kindness (better than most people, anyway). She did not envy. She was not boastful, and she was far from being proud. She tried to remain humble before Yahweh. She tried to #Love everyone she met. She was always #kind to those around her.

My wife's love for Yeshua was contagious. You could feel the Holy Spirit with her when she began talking about God. You could even feel Him when she was just loving on someone, brightening their day or offering words of encouragement. It was her love for Our Father that brought me back from wondering in the wilderness for 10+ years. And it was her love for Him which helped reshape my heart to be more loving, more forgiving, kinder... Felicia's walk with Yeshua helped me get back onto His #Path for me.

If it weren't for 22 years of being fully loved by Felicia, if it weren't for 19 years of a wonderful marriage, I can't help but think just how cold my heart may have become... Yahweh, in all His Divine #Providence, put Felicia in my life for 22 years so He could use her love for Him to prepare me for my million-mile climb up this mountain. Now, as I keep moving forward, I'm trying to focus on the Hands of Jesus, reaching for me across this stormy lake I need to walk on. I've said it before: I thought I was already out of the boat and about to touch His Hands. But Holland reminded me I'm still in the boat...

But, as I was told in a dream last week: "[I'm] moving." I need to have the #faith my dear wife had. I need to step out of this boat, for real this time. Pray for me. I want to step onto these waves. I want to keep moving.

I love you, sweet princess. Always. Forever. #Fiercely