June 24, 2023

I needed this. Especially after waking from the dream I had: it was a wonderful, beautiful dream. I dreamt Felicia and I were talking in our room when she told me, in so many words, she's pregnant. I remember being filled with joy and excitement. I remember kissing her again and again. It felt so real... then I woke up...

For those who don't know, Felicia couldn't conceive. Not naturally. We were hoping this would be the year she got pregnant with the aid of in vitro... so, this dream, as beautiful and wonderful as it was, hurt when I woke... it felt so real...

So, while this verse is applicable for my daily struggles, it's really applicable right now. My shattered heart needs to continue praising Yahweh. My crushed soul needs to continue reaching for Him. Especially right now. The more I ponder this dream, the more difficult it becomes. I need to let the joy of what today is (my niece's birthday party) consume me so that I dont spoil her fun. I need to let the memory of this dream be restored as a fond and beautiful moment I got to have. As painful as this is, I need to help my heart understand that God gave me something beautiful to keep.

My soul is downcast and disturbed within me, but I am putting my #trust in Adonai. I am going to continue praising Him for the 22 wonderful years I got to have with my beautiful, sweet, awesome, inspiring, loving, intelligent, caring, incredible wife. He brought her into my life to save me from the destructive path I was walking. And I can't thank Him enough for that. So, even though my heart is torn, I will praise Him in this storm because my #help comes from the Maker of Heaven and Earth.

Thank You, Yahweh, for giving me such a wonderful moment in my dream.

And thank you, Felicia, for being such an amazing woman, friend, wife, and companion. You truly made my life so, so much better. I love you, my lovely bride. Always. Forever. #Fiercely