Ephesians 6:18

May 26, 2023

One thing I've learned through the years, but especially in the last 3 months, is that being patient, but earnest, in your prayers is something that helps in your walk with Yahweh. Even more so when you understand that "thy will be done" does not mean "how I'd like it."

A lot of people believe they can boss God around and direct His already-designed plan. They believe this due to poor understanding or misinterpretation of God's #Word. If you recall the story of Abraham and his son Isaac: Abraham was so sure of his #faith in Our Lord, he got to the point of raising his knife before an angel stopped him. A lot of people think this represents how continually asking for a change in course, for another outcome, for a different answer, they'll get it. That's not at all what this was about. This was about God determining how faithful his servant was. Either Abraham takes his son to the altar and initiates a sacrifice, or he refuses.

By showing Yahweh he was willing to sacrifice his son because God asked for it, Adonai knew Abraham was ready. Abraham couldn't have done what he did without prayer and begging of the Holy Spirit. It's this same prayer and begging I've done right after finding my deceased wife. I prayed for understanding. I prayed for guidance. I begged for a rewrite of February 21 where I stayed with Felicia instead of going to work... I prayed for a lot. Some of those prayers have been answered. Others may have been but I don't know, yet..

But I never have given up on My Lord. I have remained steadfast in my faith in Him. As confused, upset, distraught, heartbroken, crushed, anguished, and emotionally tortured as I've been (and still am), I haven't walked away from the altar, changing my mind. I have faith in Yahweh and know that through His Spirit and with the help of Yeshua, I can get through this awful experience. I just need to keep working on my patience because heavy grief is awful. Being overburdened with this pain is near-debilitating. It's my focus on Adonai that helps me move.

I miss you, my beautiful wife. Always. Forever. #Fiercely