1 Chronicles 16:34

April 21, 2023

On Tuesday, February 21, 2023, I experienced the single most worst experience of my life - I found my wife lifeless... in a single moment, my heart shattered, my world was turned upside down, my life changed forever...

I could have yelled at Yahweh. I could have raised my fist and denounced Him. I could have turned away from Him in total brokenness and despair... but I would have found myself completely consumed by hate and loathing, full of anger. I would have ended up a complete mess, having undone 22 years of change and growth.

Instead, I remember turning TOO Adonai. I remember crying out FOR Him. I remember THANKING Him for having given me 22 #incredible years with the most wonderful woman I had met. And, I remember doing these because I know God is incapable of #evil. I know He's full of #Mercy and #Grace, that's He's a #Just and #Righteous God whom only knows #Love. God is #Good.

Even though I know He's got my wife with Him, now, my human heart is still in a billion pieces. Even though I know she's dancing in His Presence, singing praises to Him, my soul is still crushed by this immovable weight. Friend, you may read my posts and wonder how I can be so strong... I'm not. I'm a total, weak, annihilated mess. I suffer moment to moment, balancing between total despair and total peace. I walk through the shadows of death as I climb my million-mile mountain. I'm not strong. At all. The strength you see in me comes from the Lord. I would be in a ditch somewhere were it not for My Father holding me, My Savior guiding me, The Holy Spirit carrying my burden...

I rejoice in My Lord because He made sure I didn't return to the muck He rescued me from 22 years ago. I mourn the loss of my wife, but I Praise Elohim for bringing her home, healing her pain, wiping her tears. I praise Him for loving her so much, He sacrificed His Son so she can be in His Presence #forever. I love you, Yahweh. Thank you.

And, I love you, my sweet wife. Always. Forever. #Fiercely