My World Stopped
April 25, 2023
I've talked about this a few times with different folks, most recently with my SIL: on February 21st, 2023, time stopped. My life stopped. Everything I lived for up to that moment was taken from me. From us.
When the world kept moving, when friends and family kept doing what they do on any given day, I sat in silent mourning, sometimes openly weeping, but I hardly did anything more than eat, drink, and sleep. My world had stopped. Fully. Time stood still. But everyone around me kept moving.
This was one of the things that hurt. I never got mad at anyone for continuing their lives while I was just "here." I never expected anyone to stop their world because mine stopped. I never WANTED anyone to stop their time because mine was stopped. But, it still hurt... it still left me reeled because how could the world go on without my wife? How could time keep ticking without Felicia??
What I've gone through, and continue to go through, is something I wish on no one. And, its something that, until it happened, I never really understood. I never really comprehended the depth and breadth of devastation like mine until it happened. Now I know. Now I understand. And, I pray Yahweh helps me to remember these things as I start interacting with my fellow man, again.
In the past, I would judge people's actions. I tried hard not to, but I did. Only to myself. Only in my head. But, I did. Now, I need to keep His Spirit with me as I continue my million-mile climb up this mountain. I need to remember that life doesn't happen to just me. Life happens to everyone. And, on occasion, I may encounter someone who seems so bitter, so angry. I need to remember that they may be that way because of some traumatic event in their own lives.
None of us are perfect, and none of us will waltz through life without some kind of traumatic event. It's inherent. It's a result of Eve being conned by the serpent. So, knowing what I know, now, if ever I do cross paths with an embittered person, I pray Adonai will use me to shine light into that person's life, if even for just a moment. I pray The Spirit will use me to calm their spirit. I pray Yeshua will let me be His Hands and offer some sort of comfort to them.
When your world stops, you think all kinds of things and hurt in all manner of ways. Especially since it's just your world that's stopped. I pray that if I do bump into someone grieving, that I can be God's #Love and bring that person comfort. I know the #pain. I know the #suffering. I know that while their world has stopped, no one else's has. And, that's the hardest part - getting through that.
I am so thankful for each and everyone of you. Your words of support have encouraged me. I'm still on the boat in this stormy lake halfway up my mountain, but with your continued love, I'm nearly out of the boat and on the water. I have the best friends, family, and coworkers anyone could ask for. God has truly #blessed me with great company. And, while you may not have known I felt like the world should have stopped for everyone, I really do appreciate your effort to console me. All of you are a true blessing in my life and I love you. I #appreciate you.
Thank You, Abba, for giving me the life You have given. Thank You for the paths you crossed in mine. Thank You for such an incredible support group I have. You are Magnificent and I love You for all You've given me. Thank You, Father.
And, thank you, Felicia, for 22 spectacular years. I did not deserve the wife God blessed me with but you took that job to task and gave me 22 wonderful years - years I know I'll keep in my heart and mind for as long as I'm still here. Thank you, my love. You were the best wife any man could ask for. And you were mine.
I love you, my angel. Always. Forever. #Fiercely
